Early experiences influence how infants, toddlers, and young children begin to understand, control, and master their world and how they form perceptions of self (Yates et al., 2008).

Teach

You probably recognize the amazing social and emotional development that occurs from infancy through the middle childhood years. In your professional role, you have a front row seat to observe children during key stages of development, and you have a chance to observe the adult staff members and families who support that development. As a trainer and coach, it is important that you recognize typical and atypical social-emotional competence. This lesson will provide you with an overview of the important social and emotional milestones children achieve from birth to 12 years of age. It will also provide you with strategies for modeling a deep understanding of development and prepare you to observe staff members’ understanding of development. Before you begin, watch this video to start thinking about your role in promoting development.

Typical Social-Emotional Development of Infants

A tremendous amount of social and emotional growth occurs during the first two years of an infant’s life. Part of what makes an infant unique is the way he or she responds to the surrounding world. Infants are born with the ability to express basic emotions, including fear, anger, sadness, joy, surprise, and disgust (Frydenberg, 2011). They have almost no ability to control these emotions.

Children develop theories about the world around them and the way it works from an early age. The chart above in Figure 1 describes the milestones you should help staff to understand.

Keep in mind that some behaviors that staff members might find challenging are developmentally appropriate. For example, it is common for young infants to go through periods of fussiness and for them to have preferred caregivers. It is also common for older infants to develop “stranger anxiety” and to be nervous around unknown adults. These can be confusing and sometimes frustrating behaviors for adults if they do not understand development.

Typical Social-Emotional Development of Toddlers

Toddlers, ages 12 months to 36 months, continue to make tremendous social-emotional growth. As their language develops, their interactions with the people around them become richer. The chart above in Figure 1 describes the development staff members should expect during the toddler years.

Just like with infants, some toddler social behaviors can challenge adults—but these behaviors are typical and to be expected. For example, adults should expect toddlers to enjoy the word “No!” It has a lot of power for young children and represents an important way for them to express themselves. Adults should also expect toddlers to demand a certain amount of independence.  For example,  “Me do!” or “I can do it all by myself!” are common phrases toddlers use as they develop. Adults should also be prepared that toddlers do not yet have sophisticated play skills. They are not ready to share consistently or to take turns. These are skills they are still developing, and adults should be prepared to support children as they learn them.

Typical Social-Emotional Development of Preschoolers

Between the ages of 3 and 5, preschool children develop strong friendships, and their social skills begin to look more mature. The chart above in Figure 1 describes the development staff members should expect during the preschool years.

The preschool years are characterized by increases in social behavior, but some of these social behaviors might challenge adults if they do not understand development. For example, preschool children develop vivid imaginations. It is not uncommon for children to have new fears or to describe fantasies as if they are real. Children of this age also begin to understand and experiment with peer groups. They might have “best friends.” This can sometimes lead to feelings of exclusion which adults must support children through.

Typical Social-Emotional Development of School-Age Children

School-age children develop rapidly. This age group is characterized by intense friendships that can change quickly. You should be prepared to help staff members understand the ever-changing social world of school-age children. The chart above in Figure 1 describes the development staff members should expect during the school-age years.

Just as with the other stages, there can be challenges during the school-age years. School-agers are on a quest for independence. This can lead to conflicts with adults and authority figures. Children may begin to distance themselves from adults as they try building strong relationships with peers. It is also not uncommon for children to embarrass easily during this stage. Peer pressure is also very real during the school-age years. Children will sometimes make decisions adults don’t understand in a quest to fit in with peers.

Social-Emotional Development for Adults

Social-emotional development does not end with adolescence. We continue to develop socially throughout our adult lives. It is important for you to understand the social-emotional needs of the adults on your staff. Psychologist Erik Erikson described three stages of adult development. The young adults, characterized by Erikson as ages 20-39, you work with may be continuing to develop their own identities. Friendships are of critical importance during the early part of this stage, and long-term relationships and child rearing are often important throughout this stage. Young adults are driven by the tension between isolation and intimacy; building relationships can be a scary process. The staff members you work with may be struggling with finding where they “fit” and with making major decisions. They might make risky decisions, or struggle with managing emotions as they move into adulthood. They may be juggling the responsibilities of relationships and raising young children.

During middle adulthood (ages 40-64), individuals tend to focus upon their productivity. This is the time during which many adults feel most comfortable in their careers and on nurturing the next generation. The major question is: “Can I make my life count?” During this stage, adults may focus on nurturing their children and helping them become responsible adults, contributing their knowledge to the workplace or community, and helping lead for the future. In your own workplace, adults during this stage may become formal or informal mentors. This can be an era of confidence and social comfort for adults as they share what they know with others.

After age 65, the focus of development is on reflection and contemplation. During this stage, Erikson believed adults looked back on their accomplishments. This can lead to feelings of fulfillment and content or despair and disappointment. You might encounter individuals in the workplace who are contemplating retirement or who are returning as volunteers. These individuals might need a listening ear, or they might be looking for opportunities to do what they enjoy.

The Role of Culture in Social-Emotional Development?

Children develop social-emotional skills within the context of their relationships with their primary caregiver, family, and culture. Children learn socially appropriate ways of responding, develop a communication style, and become more independent from their caregivers, families, and communities. For example, some cultures teach children to avoid eye contact while communicating. However, in other cultures, eye contact is an essential component of a social interaction. Expectations about developmental milestones also are driven by cultural values and priorities. In some cultures, children are not expected to feed themselves until they are 3 or 4 years old. In other cultures, children are expected to start feeding themselves in late infancy and early toddlerhood. Culture also influences parenting practices and ways of dealing with emotions, including handling stress and coping with adversity. Family priorities also affect social-emotional competence. For example, some families might place a high value on talking about and expressing emotions as they happen. Children might learn to say exactly how they feel, when they feel it. Also, many African-American and Hispanic families may prioritize family and encourage their children to share and play with others at a very early age. Conversely, many white families are more likely to encourage their children to be independent; they might expect their children to independently eat, get dressed, and play. Instead of judging whether a behavior is bad or good, Derman-Sparks and Edwards (2010) suggest that we:

• Respect the cultures of others
• Encourage others to appreciate the richness of cultures
• Recognize our own assumptions about culture and challenge biased assumptions
• Embrace, celebrate, and honestly discuss difference and similarity

How Can Staff Members Support The Needs of All Learners?

Many young children with disabilities have difficulty with peer interactions. Research shows children with disabilities are less likely to develop friendships than their typically developing peers. Delays in social interactions are characteristics of many developmental disabilities, including autism. Children may be at risk for social isolation, rejection, and social-emotional delays if social delays and friendships skills are not addressed when children are young.

You can teach staff members specific strategies for supporting the needs of all learners. A variety of strategies are provided below:

In Lesson Three, we will highlight some other strategies you can help staff members learn to use, for example, scripts for play or social behaviors and peer support strategies. In addition, you can review the attachments to learn more about developmental screening and different screening tools for social-emotional concerns.

Model

Understanding development enables you to be a role model for staff members. There are three main ways you can model an understanding of development: (a) through modeling age-appropriate expectations for children, (b) by modeling problem-solving processes for staff members, and (c) by modeling a healthy approach to your own social-emotional needs.

Modeling Age-Appropriate Expectations

A large part of your job involves talking to staff members about their work and interactions with children. Throughout these conversations, you can help staff members remember and understand development. For example, when staff members come to you with concerns about a toddler’s behavior, you can ask reflective questions that help them see the whole child::

• How does her behavior compare to other children’s behavior in the class? What are your expectations for the children?
• What do you think she is trying to tell you through this behavior?
• What would you like to see the child do instead?

You can also review activity plans and daily schedules. If staff members expect 3-year-olds to sit still during long group activities, you can remind them of the importance of movement and interactions. A staff member who does not understand why a school-age child does not want to speak up in front of the group, might need reminded about the importance of “fitting in” and embarrassment.

You should be prepared to talk to families about development. Some families might get upset about behaviors that are completely typical. Biting, for example, is a way some toddlers communicate their emotions or assert themselves. You must help families create a plan to stop or prevent biting while establishing that this behavior is also expected during this stage. Families of school-agers may need support, as well. It can be confusing when their child begins spending time in his room or out with peers and away from the family. You can model strategies for remaining calm when pre-teens talk back or get upset.

Modeling Problem-Solving

You are a resource for staff members. You can help them connect with the information they need when they encounter a problem. Communicate with staff members regularly and make sure they feel comfortable coming to you with questions. Get to know the children and families in your program, so you can have informed discussions with staff members when concerns arise. Take a problem-solving stance; help staff members see concerns as something you can work together to figure out.

Modeling Social-Emotional Health

Think about the importance of your own social-emotional health. Make it a priority to take care of yourself and the staff members. You can do this in several key ways, as suggested by leadership coach Elena Aguilar:

• Recognize emotions. Start by recognizing that you have emotions, and that those emotions have names. Check in with yourself throughout the day. Just take a moment to say to yourself, “I’m frustrated,” “I’m disappointed,” or “I’m excited.” This can prepare you for supporting others’ emotions.
• Be aware of your body. Once you’ve labeled the emotion, how does your body react? Are you tense in the jaw or shoulders? Are you relaxed? Notice how your body behaves.
• Step back. Take some time to just observe how you feel and how you react to situations. Pretend you are an outside observer of your emotions. This can help you be more objective.
• Notice your impact on others. What happens when you greet a teacher warmly? How do others’ behaviors change when you are feeling frustrated?

Observe

It is important for you to observe classrooms from a social-emotional perspective. The staff members you work with every day do their most important work during everyday interactions: conversations over breakfast, helping children solve a problem, or simply comforting an upset child. As you read the scenarios that follow, notice where children fall on the social-emotional milestones you read about in this lesson. Then, think about how you could help the adults promote social-emotional development. The table provides ideas about what you might say and do in each scenario to support staff members.